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| Hubby and I on a recent beach trip. |
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| Saw this on a recent trip to South Carolina and just had to stop and take pics. |
I guess they think I'm hanging around, getting rusty.
Here's the thing. I never stopped writing. But writing is not the same thing as publishing. Publishing involves writing what the market demands and what the economy will allow. And doing it so well a publisher will risk thousands to put it out there. It means selling myself. It involves difficult decisions about whether to submit to an agent or to the people I love already. (Paralyzing!) It uses a different part of the brain than writing does. It means relentless marketing. It means focus.
And who has enough hours in the day to do it all? Alas! Most writers do not own a Wonder Woman cape.
I'm going through a phase. It's called real life and family. I'm in the middle of my aging parents and my children and my grands and sometimes I do feel like a sandwich. Somewhere, between the slices of life, are my publishing dreams.
But the slices of life are thick and crusty at times. Filled with sorrow, hard work, and just plain fun. Memory making days. Evenings to just be with the people I love. I know this is a phase and it won't last forever.
I'm hanging on to some parts of this - the moments in my parents' home which, I assume, will eventually be sold to strangers. Lingering beneath the tremendous oak tree at the back door, cleaning bathrooms, and holding my father's hand when he prays before meals - I'm soaking these up.
A few years ago we spent one amazing day at my mother's death bed. My quiet mom ruled the day with her sweet spirit and her delight in greeting each member as we arrived. The memory fills me with a strange joy.
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| My father and mother on her last day with us. |
Daddy is 92 and when he's gone I want to know that I enjoyed being with him even when I could have been writing a query letter. There will be time in life for publishing contracts and I do continue to pursue them. Sometimes. (Though not relentlessly, so maybe I am getting a little rusty.)
But later, when I'm on my deathbed, I want more than a shelf of books to look at. The stories I write will be part of my legacy for sure. But the stories I want on my last day will be the ones my people tell about our time together.
My incredible, faithful, hubby. Our two amazing children-all grown up now. Those giggling grands. And my siblings too. Their faces and the stories they tell are the legacy I want to leave.
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| Checking the crab traps. |
Wow. This post brought tears to my eyes. What a precious image of your parents on their last day together, here. Thanks for allowing us this glimpse into your life and world - including the pain, the joy, the hard decisions, and the moments of pressure. This is where writing - and life - become real. In the authentic sharing of one soul with those around her.
ReplyDeleteWhat priorities do I struggle with? Hmm... (These are randomly listed, not by order of struggle or priority.)
- Knowing that it's okay to take the time to care for myself and that I'll be more useful to others once I've done this
- Remembering that a messy house is less important than showing love
- Juggling full-time work, grad school, relationships of all shapes and sizes, hobbies and the demands of life as an adult - paying bills, lawn care, oil changes and giving the pet her meds
Thanks for this reminder to let go and let be, to embrace the NOW and know there is a time and place for everything. Everything.
Thank you, Amy for sharing your priority struggles and also for understanding mine. I keep learning so much from you and from all you are learning. Your life is clearly full. I trust you are finding that right time and place for everything.
DeleteBoy, do I relate to this, Joyce. My writing block of time is the time I have to go to Highlands and visit my mom there in the nursing facility. We walk the halls, visit the garden and put jigsaw puzzles together. Sometimes we eat ice cream in the afternoon and giggle. I do her laundry once a week and restack her shelf Monday thru Sunday to be sure she has cleans every day. Dad died this summer and i had him here in NC for his last weeks. We didn't know it would be his last weeks, it unraveled rather suddenly. I've a lot written and several that need to be submitted, but that process takes as much time as the writing. I, like you, struggle to maintain a reasonable balance, tipping the scales to family concerns.
ReplyDeleteIt's that time of life for us, isn't it? Jigsaw puzzles - they will be such a great memory when she is gone. Mom and I played Skip-Bo a lot in her last year. Now I play with my grands. Deanna, I hope you find the time to submit your work!
DeleteThank you, Joyce. We do what we can, but in the end it's the love that matters. People used to commiserate and say the time I spent with my Mom in the nursing home must have been so hard for me (she had dementia), but the truth is I miss even those times now that she's gone.
ReplyDeleteLaurie, even some of our saddest experiences are ones we treasure.I am glad you have memories of being there with your mom.
DeleteIt sounds to me like you have your priorities in perfect order. My husband, children, and grandchildren always take priority, and I don't struggle with that. Maybe that's why I don't get too much writing done, but I'm okay with that. I get done what I get done. Family is much more important.
ReplyDeleteAh Rosi, I love that your priorities are so clear cut for you! I always love knowing that someone values family. For me the hard part is the daily choosing. Thinking I am going to get writing done and then realizing I am not. There's something to be said for punching a clock, I guess! Certain decisions are made for us.
DeleteBeautiful post, Joyce. Yes, our lives and days are filled with choices. You are definitely investing time in your father, children, and grandchildren. AND your writing. And we need the Lord's wisdom on priorities for sure. Loved Rosi's comment!
ReplyDeleteYes, Carol - I loved Rosi's comment too! Wisdom - YES!
DeleteSo lovely to see a window into your world and mind and to hear how dear your family is to you. My writing time is while my kids are at school, which is good for all of us. I'm happier when I'm writing----it's a compulsion that won't let me go. When they're home, it's time for family. But I struggle with feeling I should be doing a better job at housekeeping, organizing, volunteering, etc. At the same time, I'm incredibly grateful for my writing time and try to do it justice, definitely not feeling like I always measure up. I know what you mean about the publishing end...
ReplyDeleteEmily, thanks for sharing your struggle. You do manage to pull off an amazing lot of accomplishments - sewing, cooking healthily, writing and family. But I know we all want more from ourselves.
DeleteWhat a beautiful post. Love the pictures, especially the one of your parents. There are only three balls I try to keep in the air: writing, family, and paying work. Fortunately, my husband is great about running errands and doing more than his share of housework. And, of course, all three of those "balls" have several aspects. I tell my writing students not to put off writing till the kids are grown, because you don't get any less busy then! Figuring out how writing fits with life is an ongoing thing. And now, especially, I don't back-burner writing anymore. While I *think* I have some time left, I know the remainder of my prime is happening right now. Of course, that is because my family is currently doing well. If something changes there, I've experienced how quickly priorities shift!
ReplyDeleteThanks Marcia for encouraging me to also make writing a priority. I do have financial needs which make writing a necessity as well as what I love doing. I love the flexibility of being a writer but it seems that sometimes the flexibility gets an extra long stretch! If I punched a clock, some of the decisions would be made for me. I wouldn't have to say no because people would know I'm tied up. But that doesn't mean I would be happier. I love my flex job!
DeleteJoyce,
ReplyDeleteI've been wanting to comment since I read this, and am just now getting to a few minutes at my computer without other things...well, you know. What I wanted to say is that this is one of the most beautiful posts I've ever read--you say it all so perfectly, and all your feelings--your sense that where you are now is the right place to be, that the value of what you're living is high, and--as you say--that bit of grieving.
We all juggle, all the time, but there are definitely times--"phases" that make it seem harder to keep the writing/trying-to-publish ball in the mix. At those times, I try to think about how I'm in this for the long-haul, both life and writing, and that even if I'm not focusing on the writing as much as I'd like RIGHT NOW, it's there waiting and I will come back to it.
Keep your balance and give yourself permission to miss it, like you're doing. And then welcome it back with open arms.
Thanks for the post.
Oh, Becky - just now seeing this. But thanks so very much for understanding my heart and reflecting my feelings so well. I hear what you are saying about the long haul. Good way to think about it. Love hearing from you.
DeleteWhat a beautiful post! I just stumbled upon your blog, and I'm so glad I did. I met you for just a moment at the SCBWI Carolinas conference where you signed Blue for my son. I love your honesty in this post, especially when you talk about the legacy you want to leave behind. I find that writing and publishing is such a balancing act. I struggle sometimes to know how to balance family, writing, and church responsibilities while still trying to be a good wife, friend, mother, daughter, sister, etc. This post really puts things into perspective for me. I don't want to look back and regret not spending more time with my family or my children. I don't want to have one single regret. Thanks for the beautiful post.
ReplyDelete~Kristin Smith
http://swordsandstilettos.blogspot.com
Kristin, thanks so much for dropping in. I'm happy to know you resonate with the sentiments here. And I do hope you are able to find time to do the things that are most important to you. All best with your writing dreams AND family time!
DeleteThank you for sharing this with us Joyce. I believe that it's equally important to spend time with family, as it is to further your career. You definitely know what you're doing. I wish you the best! :)
ReplyDeleteAh, thanks so much Anna. Lovely to hear from you again. I know family is important to you, also. Happy writing.
DeleteJoyce, I always talk to my kids about time ... time lost is lost forever. It's not like money or things, which we can recoup if we lose it. Where we spend our time and money reflect what we love most. And this is a season for you to spend time with your family. The writing will still be there. But you are allowed to steal time to write too :)
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about this too. My kids are teenagers right now and I feel the rush of time, how quickly the years have gone. I've been beside many elderly and dying folks and most often they regret not spending enough time with their children, never their work. I do not want to die with regrets like that.
Priorities: God, family, writing. In that order. I thank God for this beautiful writing life with my family.
Sending you love and prayers.